When I was a teenager, my mom, grandmother and I were driving back from spending a day at the beach. We had a flat tire and pulled off to the side of the road and to wait for help. I got out of the car and an 18-wheeler stopped. A man got out of it and came over to talk to us. I took him around to the back of the car to show him where the tools were, and he made a grab at my breast. It shocked me! Here I was asking for help, and he meant only to hurt me. I was hurt, and I was angry. I remembered having the hammer in my hand and looking at him square in the eye saying, “With friends like you, who needs enemies! It will be a cold day in Georgia before I let you help us!” I was furious, scared and had no idea what to do, because it was now dark and we were stranded. My mom and grandmother came around to the back where we were and I told them what had occurred. They did not believe me. I was devastated. Then, he told my grandmother and mom what he had done. He apologized over and over saying he had been on the road for a very long time and was lonely and had lost control. Unfortunately, the damage had already been accomplished. In that brief encounter, I had decided that my mom did not love me, because she did not believe me, and I had decided that all men wanted to do was hurt me. Long story short, he did go ahead and fix our tire, and we got home safely. My heart was full of fear, and I never dealt with it. I don’t recall ever really discussing that experience of being grabbed with my mom, so the emotions of betrayal were trapped inside of me for a very very long time. I was in my 30s before I came face-to-face with those decisions I had made about my mom and men. It was not God’s way of thinking for me to believe my mom did not love me, and it certainly was not of God for me to believe all men were just out to get me and hurt me. The Lord does not want us to live afraid of men or women. HE has worked on this area of my life for many years. I’ve had significant breakthroughs and been tested severely to be sure my heart is healing.
A couple came into our world a few years ago and they were very loving and hugged and through their personal outreach into our private world, I became more healed than ever before. I was uncomfortable with the hugging and uncomfortable with a man picking me up and hugging me. Listen, he was not crossing boundaries – the Lord was using him to show me just where I was not quite whole. At first I was apprehensive and dismayed and realized their motives were very pure and healthy. I was the one who was doing my best to make sure no one ever crossed my boundaries again. In Christian life, we are taught some very religious rules about touching and for the most part I do believe we do need principles and guidelines to help us maintain purity. But truly, rules in themselves…..law driven principles….can never keep us safe. It is our hearts which must be made whole and be conformed into His image of purity….this is a safe place. There was a confrontation that took place inside of me where I saw my fears and I saw my need for healing. Anyway, over time….the fear left and the Lord had His way in me….healing my heart…dealing with insecurities and my fear of authority ever hurting (touching) me again. I want you to know that God wants NONE of us afraid of Him or those in authority around us. He wants ALL OF US to carry a mantle of authority and if we are afraid of one another…then we will not be able to love one another or receive love.
Pray with me – Thank You for not giving up on me and pursuing me into adulthood to be whole. Thank You that it is Your will that we be fearless and that we love one another. Give us wisdom and give us courage to obey You and Your heart and not our religious boundaries that keep us from receiving or giving Your love that makes us whole in areas no one sees. In Jesus name, let it be.
Freedom! ©Donna Reiners
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Until next time, d